Day 12 - Still Sick and Pondering

I worked a half day today. I couldn't do the afternoon. I wanted to lay my head down on the desk and sleep. Laura, a friend at work, and I always say - it's time to go home if you are envisioning yourself sleeping on the floor somewhere at work. It was getting to that point.

I did some shopping before I came home because they are calling for 12 to 18 inches of snow tonight and tomorrow. I stayed away from the major grocery stores and Wal-Mart and it only took me about an hour. I'm exhausted but every time I get into this house I perk up. I have no energy but sleep seems to leave me. I have a bright house - lots of windows so maybe that's what it is.

I love snow storms. This is the most snow (this season) we've gotten in years. The downside is I want (again, the deserving thing I talked about last week) to eat the whole time. Make a big breakfast, snack constantly, drink carbonated drinks like they're going extinct, and make hot cocoa like your life depends on it. I'm trying to get out of that mindset. It's okay to fix a fun breakfast but I don't have to eat half a pound of Bob Evans sausage (and you think I'm joking)! This weekend is going to be a challenge. Hopefully I will feel up to exercising so if I do eat too much I can work out to burn some of those extra calories off.

It's so hard to change my mindset. I want to sit around and eat carrot sticks and drink water and when I get the urge for hot cocoa - I'll heat up hot water and pretend I'm drinking cocoa with marshmallows. That really is easy but that's not reality. Reality is hot cocoa and marshmallows, pancakes and sausage, popcorn and diet coke. I want to enjoy snow weekends with my husband and our future children in years to come. Eating those things is not the wrong part - it's the lack of self-discipline.

I have been pondering for several months about Christmas and my husband and how we were raised (this is linked to my thoughts above, just follow me here and trust I'll bring it together in the end). I was raised with the mindset - if you need something, like clothes or shoes, then you get them. I emphasize need because when we grew out of clothes or shoes we did get new ones but when they left the "cool zone" we still had to wear them. Martin was raised with the mindset - if you need something then you will get it for you for Christmas or your birthday.

My family had small Christmas's by most American standards. Mom and dad spent $25 on each of us until we were older then it went to $35. Now, we are at $75 (I think they are just happy they don't have to support us anymore so they reward us and our spouses with that). My grandparents and aunt, uncle, and cousins lavished us with many gifts. We were so fortunate to be able to get fun stuff and clothes from all of them.

Martin's family went all out for Christmas. They usually didn't spend the holidays away from their home and what their mom and dad got them - was pretty much it. They did get fun sussy's (as my mother-in-law calls them) or small gifts from aunts, uncles, and grandparents but the majority was from mom and dad.

Mesh both of those childhoods together, add some over-indulgence, and poor practicing of self-discipline and what do you get? A couple who has HUGE Christmas' and birthdays mixed with the lifestyle of "oooh I want that so I'm going to get that now." Pretty disastrous if you ask me. We have now been married for almost seven and a half years and this Christmas, I finally put a stop to it.

Sounds great huh? Yay Sarah - she put a stop to it! She's so responsible! No. Notice I said I put a stop to Christmas. Christmas wasn't my problem. It was Martin's. It's easy for me to stop something I haven't done all my life. I was convicted that I need to stop it all. And by stopping I don't mean eliminating it altogether. I just mean pulling back the reigns. Do I really need that? I need to be asking that question in everything I buy.

Kohl's just informed me today via mail that my credit limit with them has been extended to $2,500! Really? There is stuff at Kohl's that I need that cost $2,500? I don't think so. But because I'm such an amazing customer it's their thanks to me. I love Kohl's. They send me great coupons but I don't need to go shopping there every weekend.

So now I'm bringing it all back together. It's all about self-discipline! It touches every part of my being. Sometimes I think we put self-control at the bottom of the list when we look at the fruit of the Spirit. It should be near the top. Because without it we can't see past ourselves to love, have peace, joy, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, or gentleness. Just pondering as I'm sick and laid up. I'm pretty sure my mind will be the first to go on my body. I use it the most. Or maybe it will be the last since I work it out so much. Hmmm.