Saturday, January 30, 2010

Day 6 - It's Just 30 Minutes or So!

I'm back to the subject of exercising. I got up this morning after sleeping in to the late hour of 8 AM and got on the elliptical before going downstairs. I put the t.v. on some stupid movie and did 30 minutes. I had no desire but I did it. It was just 30 minutes. I was going to be taking a shower today anyways so really, who cares if I get a light midst on me (I'm on my first week - there's not much sweat - and it's 15 degrees outside which means cold in the closed vent room)?

Today, Martin and I are heading up to the King of Prussia Mall. It's on the other side of Philly. There is a Norman Rockwell exhibit there and it's only $5 a person. The mall is HUGE so I'm sure we will have our afternoon filled with window shopping. We both have come to the conclusion that we don't need anything which makes it easy to go shopping with each other. We did our taxes last night and we're getting a nice chunk to put towards bills which means a little bit closer to adoption!

I'm almost through my first week of - a better me. I don't say that as if I am looking to myself but to God - it's all for Him. This all is. All 6 days. Feels great.

Friday, January 29, 2010

Day 4 & 5 - Picky Picky

I love picking at food! If it's a genetic disorder then I get it from my Grandmother Jones. She would always stand and watch us eat when we came over and we'd encourage her to sit and eat and she's always say that she wasn't hungry because she picked at everything while she made it.

Much of what I make is made in the oven so I don't pick at raw chicken but last night I had put a pork loin in the crock pot and as I was shredding it and adding bbq sauce (Sweet Rays BBQ - Thanks to Jack and Kami for making us huge fans) I picked at it until I realized I was full. Martin wasn't home yet so I stopped picking and started doing something else.

I'm a picker. Big deal. But if I am walking down this road to a more self-disciplined life then I need to stop my picking. I am doing it without thinking. I am putting something in my mouth without another thought until my slowly shrinking stomach says, "I think I'm good."

I guess this goes with "taking every thought captive" that Paul talks about in 2 Corinthians 10:4-5. I love how the Amplified version says it:

"For the weapons of our warfare are not physical [weapons of flesh and blood], but they are mighty before God for the overthrow and destruction of strongholds, [Inasmuch as we] refute arguments and theories and reasonings and every proud and lofty thing that sets itself up against the [true] knowledge of God; and we lead every thought and purpose away captive into the obedience of Christ (the Messiah, the Anointed One)."

Wow, that's good stuff. I must say, I can tell that my stomach has gotten a bit smaller as this week has gone by - but right now, I don't care because my heart is changing. And I guess that's what it's about huh? And I'm only at day 5. Wow, what you can learn in a few days when you allow the Holy Spirit to move.

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Day 3 - Hunger and Deserving Something

I'm kinda hungry. It's natural when you're eating less. I get home and my stomach is growling and I have to stay focused on fixing dinner so I won't go eating random things that I don't really like (like processed cheese - ew, but yeah, I eat it). I usually try to snack on a little something when my stomach growls but I don't want to waste calories on snacking when I'm spending time on a nice homemade meal!

Something that I've learned is, it's okay to be hungry. I'm not going to die. I'm not going to start gnawing on cardboard and my eyes aren't going to turn that crazy red. But as an American especially, I think that I deserve things. I deserve to have a full stomach. I deserve to grab something the minute my stomach makes a little sound.

I also do this outside of food. I deserve to have a night home by myself to do (usually watch) whatever I want. I deserve to drop a hundred bucks on scrapbooking stuff every once in a blue moon. I work hard for my money! But before I am an American (way before that actually) I am a child of the most high God. I was a slave to sin and now I am a slave to Christ. I deserve hell. That's all that I deserve. It's really that simple.

God has blessed me with so much but none of it is mine. Not even my gross processed cheese. It all belongs to God and I belong to Him. Everything including my time. So as I sit here at work, taking a little break, about to hit the "three o'clock wall" as we call it here at work, I am rejoicing for the clean water I have in my cup, my glasses that are sitting on my face, the health that is allowing me to be sitting here typing, and so so so much more. But it's not because I deserve it. It's because I know I don't deserve it. The hard thing is keeping that mindset. But I've made it to day 3. God is good.

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Day 2 - Exercise

I hate exercising. That's all there is to it. I hate moving and sweating and being aware of my breathing - which is usually bothered. Getting off my bum and moving is nothing but torture. I wish I liked soccer or basketball or running. But I don't like them so I will continue on the elliptical until it is warm enough to walk. And honestly, it's not what I do - it's just doing something. I like to fall into the trap of "if I get a gym membership then I'd be so skinny!" For me, it's the mindset. There is no magic - just sweat and soreness. That's it.

I can do this. I will do this. By the grace of God.

I wonder if I will one day look forward to exercising. Probably not. But the results of exercising will outweigh the feelings of sleeping that extra 45 minutes. That's what I'm telling myself.

And I know I won't look like a supermodel when all of this is said and done (although I know I won't be done until God takes me home). I'm not doing it for that. My body is a Temple. It's just time to start treating it like one instead of a cheap fast food restaurant, I am a building for my God. Weird to actually think about it but it's true. And I fill my building with crap. Whether it's food or what I put in my mind. It's all the same. It's changing but I'm only on Day 2.

Monday, January 25, 2010

Day Number 11,841 of My Life. Day Number 1 of Two Steps Forward, One Step Back

Okay, I just spent the last few minutes trying to figure out how many days I've been alive. I know, it's crazy. I look at 11,841 and honestly it doesn't look like much. I mean, 100,000, that's a lot but that means I would have to live until I am 273 and I'd really rather not. Of those 11,841 days I've been a Christian for over 4,000. 4,000 days of knowing Christ. Of falling and stumbling and conquering, and learning, and growing and struggling and rejoicing and mourning and pressing on. There are some things that I have struggled with before and after salvation. I will probably struggle with them until I die but it's not the struggling that is bad. It's the regression. I should be progressing. It shouldn't be one step forward two back. It needs to be two steps forward one step back.

What I am talking about in particular is my weight. I say I want to lose weight but my actions are completely opposite of my words. And if I was talking about anything else I would call myself a liar. So why am I allowing this to be okay? I'll be the first to admit that the American church has accepted being overweight as okay. Saying it's not a sin to be unhealthy. And honestly it's not the overweight part that is the sin. That can just be an effect of the sin. The sin is not having self control in all areas of life. You can be 120 pounds and be in sin because of the way you're controlling your weight. It's the conviction of something from God and allowing it to be okay because it's accepted.

Today, January 25, 2010, I want to begin something that I have thought about for years. I want to blog about my struggles openly. I really don't care if you read this or not. It's not for you. It's for me, prompted by what I believe is from God. This is one area that I don't want to give to Him but I must. Obedience is the first and most important step to victory. I'm not on a plan as of now. I am simply eating less and more healthy and exercising more and keeping track of it by writing it all down. It's being more self-disciplined in all areas of life. And again, struggling openly. So here I go, again. I've been here before, starting this but thank God that His mercy's are new every morning!