I feel like there are so many emotions going through me. I have allergies or a cold or whatever and I feel like crying when I'm sick. Martin just rubs my back while I whimper. Poor guy. For his sake I hope we one day have a house full of boys.
I'm kind of tired of planning. Is that bad? I told Martin yesterday that I'm just going to live life day by day and keep trucking along but not plan much beyond that for awhile. I'm not being lazy I don't think. I'm just going to stop thinking ahead. I don't mean I'm going to live for today and spend my money like there is no tomorrow. I'm not going to stop investing in people. I'm just not going to plan my future for a bit. I think it's become a way that I build idols. So for now, I'm shelving planning.
This means that if people ask me about plans for adoption, I'm going tell them I really don't know. And when they ask how I'm feeling about Martin and law school, I'm going to reply that if it's what God wants it's what I want. And so on.
Because when it all comes down to it, I just want what God wants and for now, I'm going to stop planning and just seek Him alone. That might be kind of easy for people but Martin and I are planners. Our plans might change daily but we are still planners.
Also, if you're reading this, please pray for Martin. He's walking through something right now that he needs God's wisdom and so do the other people involved. It's complicated so I'm just going to leave it at that.
Oh and Jesus, if You and the Father could talk it over, could you come back today? Thanks. Selfishly, that would rock.