Tuesday, May 4, 2010

Day 100!

I can't believe I've been doing this for 100 days. I have to admit, a lot has changed in me and that makes my soul happy.

Aaron, Sonya and Braelyn came to visit us last week and we had such a great time. I'll do a separate post of pictures later. Braelyn is simply a sweet, sweet girl.

As a woman, I get a thought in my head and think it to death. I say as a woman because I think that's something that makes us a bit different than men. We are thinkers. Men are doers. I don't throw that out as an absolute statement. I know there are men who tend to think just as much as women and vise versa. But recently I have been thinking, chewing, meditating (take your pick) over total depravity. What is total depravity you ask? Well, yourdictionary.com defines it as: the utter depravity of humankind due to original sin and persisting until regeneration through the Spirit of God. Pretty good for an online dictionary!

I think until we truly admit and accept that our flesh is so gross and yucky and disgusting and bad, we cannot truly comprehend what Christ did for us on the cross and what God, through the Holy Spirit is doing to us in Sanctification. I'm tired of hearing that someone isn't "that bad." Yes they are. Yes we are. Yes I am. Anything we do on our own is trash. Anything. That goes for saved or unsaved people. The problem is some of us (me) forget the power that our flesh can have over us when we are not in complete dependence of God.

What does complete dependence look like? I wish it was a check list. I work well with lists. Devotions - check. Five to ten minutes in prayer - check. Thinking twice before I write or say something - check. Only purposefully eating - check. We want to make our faith a check list but we can't! These are all included but total dependency is looking to God before anything else. In every thing we do - we are purposeful in that. Taking things to Him constantly. It should be like breathing, just something we do. I love what Francis Chan says about devotions or quiet times - he used to feel guilty when he would miss reading his bible but now he is just sad that he didn't take the time to be with God. I love that! It's not about the duty it's about the relationship. Why can't I get it through my thick head? It's because I don't want to. I want to do my own thing - say what I want to say, spend time the way I want to spend time. I want to be God. Oh it just always comes back to pride.

So that's what I've been chewing over these last few days. Tonight I will work on getting some pictures up of our time with Braelyn (and Aaron and Sonya). Martin's sick. Not sure if it's allergies or a cold. I think it might have started as allergies but is now a cold. He is under the neti-pot care. He hates doing it because he's so clogged the salt water has no where to go so it starts coming out his tear ducts and burns real bad. I just stand with him, tell him to man up and not be a Mary! Okay, not really I just encourage him to continue on. That neti-pot is amazing! This means I am going to the gym by myself. But I'm still going, by golly.

1 comment:

Kami said...

Keep pressing on sister!