Who was it that said the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over while expecting different results? Not sure but it's a great definition.
I am an insane Christian. I have this disconnect with knowing and doing and I know yet I do nothing over and over again and expect to grow in Christ.
I might look good on the outside. I am busy with things of God. I disciple, I am in ministry, I try to serve Christ through loving my husband, I am constantly learning through the teaching of others. But there is a disconnect.
James talks about it. "Therefore lay aside all filthiness and overflow of wickedness, and receive with meekness the implanted word, which is able to save your souls. But be doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceiving yourselves. For if anyone is a hearer of the word and not a doer, he is like a man observing his natural face in a mirror; for he observes himself, goes away, and immediately forgets what kind of man he was. But he who looks into the perfect law of liberty and continues in it, and is not a forgetful hearer but a doer of the work, this one will be blessed in what he does" James 1:21-25.
Paul also talks about it in Romans. "For the good that I will to do, I do not do; but the evil I will not to do, that I practice. Now if I do what I will not to do, it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells in me" Romans 7:19-20.
I was in the car this morning singing and crying having a wonderful time of worship while driving yet as soon as a girl cut me off, I got mean. Seriously? You were just singing that the same God who raised Jesus from the dead lives inside of you? Seriously? Yes. And so goes the pattern of my life. The best way to put it is a disconnect between knowing and doing. It's easy to love God on my terms but in the day to day walk, I fail constantly.
It's easy to see it other people too. I see it in my husband. I see it in my friends. But God continues to bring it back to me. It's about me and Him. And I have to choose moment by moment whom I will serve.
One way God has convicted me is my evenings. Whether we go to the gym or not, I come home, fix dinner, eat, clean-up, then veg. There is no reason that I should be vegging for more than a few hours a week. And when I say I veg, I mean I sit in front of the t.v. and flip and watch nothing of eternal worth. I'm not saying I need to be out with people every night or have people in my home every night. That's not healthy for marriage. I mean I can be finishing my trim painting in the living room, or reading one of the hundreds of books on my shelf. This is one of my biggest disconnects. Taking that precious time (nights at home with no plans are truly precious) and using it for something other than filling my mind with worthless trash.
The good thing is that I know I am a child of God. And it's not just because of what I know. I see the evidence in my life. I see LOTS of discipline from the Father. I have conviction of sin from the Holy Spirit. I am nothing without Christ and His work on the cross. These are why I am a child of God not because of what I do. That's the scariest disconnect of them all. When those who think they are children of the most high God are depending on what they do. And God has allowed me to show those around me Himself. That's what it is about. Just making my God look good. That's why we were created.