Wednesday, December 1, 2010

Day 311 - What If?

Something that has been going around in my mind is: What if I get pregnant while in the process of adoption?

While meditating on this question a lot of things came out. One was pride (surprise, surprise). I don't want to be that person. Someone who, ten years down the road tells a struggling woman who is thinking about adoption, Oh yeah we were going to adopt but as soon as we started the paperwork we got pregnant and we never went through with it. Honestly, there isn't anything wrong with that person because I believe that if you're called to something and seeking after God he will not let that calling go from your desires or life.

Lots of questions came up as I was meditating on this too. One was, should we still go on with the adoption even though I'm pregnant or hold off? The normal thing to do is hold off. But I'm not that normal so part of me wants to continue on with the adoption process while we are pregnant.

Then the guilt part came up while thinking on this. Guilty feelings all around! Should I bring a child into the world then go get more children from halfway around the globe in a matter of months or years? Or, is it fair to our children we adopt to have a baby at home to spread my time with?

So my solution to all of this? Birth Control. That's right, birth control. I need to go on birth control. That way I'm in charge.

BUT God's solution to this? Get over it and leave it to me. Stop wasting your time worrying and calling it "meditating."

So, I'm just not going to talk about it, worry about it, or "meditate" on it anymore. Starting now.

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