14 Week Challenge :: Week 4

Welp.

I weighed in.

I feel we need a preface. The thing is. Well. You see. It's like this. I didn't actually weigh before I started this challenge. For about five years I have teetered around a particular weight and I knew I was above that weight when I started because my clothes weren't fitting very well (which means the buttons were coming off my pants).

I should have weighed but I didn't. And today I got on the scale thinking (and by thinking I mean hoping) that I had started four weeks ago on the number I thought I was. But then I looked down and I was that weight. Here is what went down in Sarah's head:

Wait, what? What the crap? Does this thing need batteries? How could I have lost zero pounds? I should've weighed four weeks ago. I'm totally not blogging about this. Maybe I should lie. Get off and get back on. Nope same weight. There is no way I was more than this four weeks ago. This was my starting weight in my head. It's my go to number. I'm so not blogging about this. I just wasted four weeks of my life eating healthy. I could've been eating Chick-fil-a. I could've been eating french fries. I bet my body shut down. I bet my body shut itself down and went into starvation mode. Yep. My poor body. I should get a Wawa hoagie today to shock it back to life. The big classic hoagies are on sale. I can't possibly blog about this. But my clothes are loose on me! Get off and get back on. But I feel better. I actually feel better so that's a good thing, right? I'm pretty sure this thing needs new batteries.

That all went down in a matter of 30 seconds. I went into the bedroom and told Martin the sad news. He said all the right things but I didn't want to hear them. He finally did what any sensible husband would do, left the room so I could hash it out with God.

After praying about it and calming down, I asked Martin for his forgiveness and concluded that my pride had stopped me from weighing in four weeks ago. I knew I had gained weight. I knew I was bigger than I have been for years. I was just hoping I would pass my "go to" weight and weight less than what was in my mind. Oh that pride. It gets you every time.

So, technically I've lost weight. But technically I have no idea how much that is.

The positives to better eating have been:

1. My clothes fit better
2. I feel better
3. I don't feel bloated all the time
4. I am eating what seems like all day long
5. I have more energy

There. I have confessed to you my pridefulness. I've been humbled (humiliated) and I actually feel better. Part of me wanted to throw it all to the wind and pick up a chicken biscuit this morning from Chick-fil-a but I instead ate some pistachios and a Luna bar. It's the little decisions I make that will make the biggest difference. Especially the decisions that are acted on when I'm an emotional wreck.

And let's face it. I don't want to look like Cindy Crawford (she was the "it" model back in my day). I just want to be healthy and learn who I am in Christ. I guess it's not ultimately about a number I want to be at but where my heart is in the midst of it. And people, that's okay with me. (Well, now it's okay with me, in those 30 seconds while on the scale it was NOT okay with me.)