Day 105 - Pictures for Mother's Day!

Martin's mom asked for one thing for Mother's Day. She asked for a picture of the three of us. I think we succeeded! Here are some of the ones we took.

I am so thankful for my mother and mother-in-law. Not many can say they have two mom's who pray daily for them but we do! What Godly examples both of them are. God knew Martin and I needed two very strong mothers to pray and keep us in line! Thanks mom and mom Fern! We love you guys.

Day 105 - Pictures!

I can't believe it's been two weeks since Aaron, Sonya and Braelyn came to visit! Wanted to post some pictures of their time here. I wish family lived close but I know it makes it that much more special when they come to visit!

Good family picture in front of our house and

can you tell Braelyn loves her daddy?

I was able to keep Braelyn the day before they left for a few hours while Aaron and Sonya went on a date. She knew they were leaving without her and the day they were leaving she was very curious if they would leave her again. Unfortunately, they took her with them.

It's funny to think all this child will ever know if life with a computer! She asked for "Melmo" (Elmo) so I turned it on for her. I'm pretty sure she could have done it herself.

Being Braelyn's favorite aunt, I wish I could say she looks like me but I think this picture shows that she is looking more and more like Sonya. I love her sweet smile!

A lady at work gave me some toys but I forgot about them. When I went down to the basement I found this horse. She loved it! It's a keeper.

She asked to get a her picture made with her favorite aunt and uncle. We obliged.

Laura got me a snuggie as a gag gift for Christmas. Braelyn loved it. She would pick it out of the blanket basket over the green polka-dot and red striped ones - that says a lot.

We spent the day in Lancaster. It was the first day it didn't rain but it was windy! We had a good time going through craft stores and walking and driving around.

So thankful they came and so sad they had to leave! Thanks for coming Aaron and Sonya and thanks for having an amazing little girl.

Day 100!

I can't believe I've been doing this for 100 days. I have to admit, a lot has changed in me and that makes my soul happy.



Aaron, Sonya and Braelyn came to visit us last week and we had such a great time. I'll do a separate post of pictures later. Braelyn is simply a sweet, sweet girl.



As a woman, I get a thought in my head and think it to death. I say as a woman because I think that's something that makes us a bit different than men. We are thinkers. Men are doers. I don't throw that out as an absolute statement. I know there are men who tend to think just as much as women and vise versa. But recently I have been thinking, chewing, meditating (take your pick) over total depravity. What is total depravity you ask? Well, yourdictionary.com defines it as: the utter depravity of humankind due to original sin and persisting until regeneration through the Spirit of God. Pretty good for an online dictionary!



I think until we truly admit and accept that our flesh is so gross and yucky and disgusting and bad, we cannot truly comprehend what Christ did for us on the cross and what God, through the Holy Spirit is doing to us in Sanctification. I'm tired of hearing that someone isn't "that bad." Yes they are. Yes we are. Yes I am. Anything we do on our own is trash. Anything. That goes for saved or unsaved people. The problem is some of us (me) forget the power that our flesh can have over us when we are not in complete dependence of God.



What does complete dependence look like? I wish it was a check list. I work well with lists. Devotions - check. Five to ten minutes in prayer - check. Thinking twice before I write or say something - check. Only purposefully eating - check. We want to make our faith a check list but we can't! These are all included but total dependency is looking to God before anything else. In every thing we do - we are purposeful in that. Taking things to Him constantly. It should be like breathing, just something we do. I love what Francis Chan says about devotions or quiet times - he used to feel guilty when he would miss reading his bible but now he is just sad that he didn't take the time to be with God. I love that! It's not about the duty it's about the relationship. Why can't I get it through my thick head? It's because I don't want to. I want to do my own thing - say what I want to say, spend time the way I want to spend time. I want to be God. Oh it just always comes back to pride.

So that's what I've been chewing over these last few days. Tonight I will work on getting some pictures up of our time with Braelyn (and Aaron and Sonya). Martin's sick. Not sure if it's allergies or a cold. I think it might have started as allergies but is now a cold. He is under the neti-pot care. He hates doing it because he's so clogged the salt water has no where to go so it starts coming out his tear ducts and burns real bad. I just stand with him, tell him to man up and not be a Mary! Okay, not really I just encourage him to continue on. That neti-pot is amazing! This means I am going to the gym by myself. But I'm still going, by golly.

Day 88 - Earth Day Smirth Day

Happy Earth Day! I am not what you call a green person. I recycle because I have to or I'll get fined by our township. I use more paper towels than the average family of 6 (and we're a family of 2). I leave lights on all the time. I drive really fast and they say that wastes gas. Oh well. I am thankful that God gave us an earth that He holds in His hands but sadly (or should I be sad at this?) I don't do much outside of what I'm required to do by law to conserve it. So today, April 22, 2010 I am going to start putting a dish towel in my kitchen and think about using that to dry my hands instead of a paper towel sheet (except I don't like knowing that someone else could have used it to wipe their hands on it while they were handling raw chicken - eww, germs - wait, it's just me and Martin in the house and he doens't handle raw chicken.). There. I feel much better.

Well there are a few things running through my mind. I'll just go down the list I made here on my desk.

1. ***Has Been Removed Until I Pray About It Some More***

2. Resting - Martin and I along with his brother Tim just booked another week in the Outer Banks, NC for September. We did this last year and honestly it was the most restful vacation I've ever had. I did nothing all week except read, sleep, float in the pool, and occasionally fix breakfast, lunch, and dinner (by my own choice - I was not about to go out every night for dinner when I knew I could throw some burgers on the grill and be done with it!). It's something that we all agreed to do again but I've been feeling guilty.

We are supposed to be taking this year to "pray and pay" about adoption and that's a chunk of change that could go towards that. Maybe this year we should just stay home. This is what I've been wrestling in my mind. But I feel like I got a little message from the Lord today while listening to a sermon here at work. Matt Chandler has a great series from 2004 called "Art of Living" and one of his sermons is about rest. He says that God intended for us to rest - truly sabbath one day a week. I don't do this much. I take Saturday for house work and if not, I feel guilty and Sunday if we are home I'll get an hour nap but that's about it for resting and not working.

He also talked about how we just need to get away. Our bodies need an extended amount of time to recharge. For Matt Chandler that could be turning off his cell phone and doing a week long hiking trip (gag!) but for me that's a week at the beach with no schedule. If we think that all life would fall apart at work or home if we are gone then we have built a place that feeds our pride. Wow. That hit me hard. Because, I'm the only one at my job that can do what I do so I'm really important. No, I'm not. I need to rest. I see how God has provided the money for that week and how I need to take that week and rest. I need to recharge. Be with my hubby and some really good books and music by the pool and rest. That's comforting to me. So, now more feelings of guilt - starting now!

3. Weight Loss - I weighed yesterday and I have lost four pounds. Please don't get too excited. The four pounds I lost is the four pounds I gained from the previous four pounds I lost. Follow me? So I'm only at -4 pounds instead of -8 pounds BUT that's okay. I'm enjoying working out after work with Martin and sweating like a guilty man on trial in August in Mississippi. I have seen improvement not only in the way my clothes feel but my endurance on the elliptical machine.

I saw a saying recently, "Nothing taste as good as skinny feels." I'm pretty sure whoever said that didn't have a good bowl of mashed potatoes. So I was thinking about this saying and I think it would better fit me if it said, "Nothing taste as good as pursuing God with all your heart feels - and who knows, you might get skinny while you're at it." Not as catchy huh? Oh well. I don't care.

Day 86 - Follow Through!

Is anyone else really bad with follow through? I am. Sadly good intentions are not what define us. It's the follow through with those good intentions.

I hated basketball growing up. I went to basketball camp in fourth grade and truly wanted to die. I thought maybe I'd take up the sport since my big and little brother were so good at it. I was wrong. I was taught lay ups right handed. It never occurred to me to tell them I was left handed (wouldn't they just notice if I was dribbling with my left hand?!?!). I always ran up with the ball in my left hand and tried to throw it in the hoop like a right hander using my double jointed arms. It was all around bad. But one thing I was decent at was free throws. I had the wrong form (both hands hoisting the ball) but I had a good percentage rate getting them in. I always remember the coaches (who were the girls high school basketball players) yelling, "follow through!" I still don't know why keeping your hands up in the same position until the ball hit the rim or went in the hoop helped but non-the-less, I remember the yelling, "follow through!"

That phrase rings in my ears more and more as I get older. I am plagued with half finished things. I don't even know if I want to list them because my pride may be so crushed that I won't finish this post (see - it all stems from pride)! But I am trying to change that. Again, this is the evident working of the Holy Spirit in my life. My problem (among many, many others) is trying to help Martin follow through too. I mean, if the Holy Spirit is working on it with me - then of course it's my duty as a wife to help Martin right!?!? Wrong. I'm wrong because instead of praying that God will also work in Martin's life in the same way, I try to change him myself. Because let's face it, I can do such a better job than God (grrr - there's that pride again!). I know I don't consciously say that but my actions show it.

I was reminded of one of my favorite Psalms today - "The LORD is gracious and full of compassion, Slow to anger and great in mercy" (Ps 145:8). I thank God he is FULL of compassion, SLOW when it comes to anger and GREAT when it comes to mercy! I think I should have it all together and sometimes I really think I do. But my Father allows me to stack my blocks of life on top of one another and then allows them to fall over again and again so He can show me that unless I am completely dependent on His hands to hold them up and hold them together, they will always fall down - every time. I'm thankful for those giant hands and I'm thankful they belong to a Father that is FULL of compassion, SLOW in His anger (which is all very righteous) and GREAT in mercy! Because it's all through Him that I can and will follow through with anything.

Day 79 - A Few Things I Love

I'm working hard here at work but I have a few thoughts about things I love so I am just going to list them.

1. I love the Holy Spirit. I love that He convicts me and leads me and allows me to understand the Word. I've really been enjoying His evident working in my life lately.

2. I love studying the book of Romans, especially chapters 6,7 & 8. Chapter 6 Paul speaks on the reasons why we should not be slaves to sin any longer. Chapter 7 speaks of how evil we still are in our flesh and Paul really lets himself have it! And if he is that bad - the Apostle Paul - it shows me how terrible my flesh is! Chapter 8 says that even though I am evil it's all because of Christ that I am alive and there ain't nothing any one or thing can do about it!

3. Going to the gym isn't as bad as I thought. I know I'm still in the honeymoon stages of going to the gym (week 2) but time seems to pass quickly and there is so much going on there my A.D.D. is very happy. 25 minutes on the elliptical, 10 minutes on the arm rower (ouch!), then 20 to 30 minutes doing either arm weights or legs - and I get to go from machine to machine after my reps (and I love that I am supposed to rest in between reps - I love resting).

That's all.

******I need to clarify that I now see that #3 is not something I love. But I do love that I am going. So there.******

Day 76 - I Wish You Could See What I See

I'm at a ladies retreat with my mother-in-law's church this weekend and I am also having to keep a close eye on my IJS school site (job stuff). We had an emergency break down Thursday night with our site so yesterday was full of emails and other fun stuff with work - and it was a day off! Oh well, that's the part of my job that isn't fun but the good side is that I have to have internet access anywhere so I get a Verizon card that allows me to get on the internet at any time.

I wish you could see what I am looking at right now. I'm about 25 feet from the edge of the Chesapeake Bay, sitting in an Adirondack chair, cuddled up in a blanket, JJ Heller on my ipod, three books to read and watching a boat pass by. The sun is warm, the wind is cool. I am quite content.

Something God is teaching me is obeying without knowledge as to why. I sometimes work well with obeying when I understand things. I think if I explain to a child as to why I am asking them not to do something they will obey. This is occasionally the case but the fact is - as humans, our heart's desire is to disobey. We are wicked in our flesh - down to the core and we like to forget that. We're not that bad! Yes we are. Yes I am. I'm evil without Christ. It's all because of Him that I have any good. The bible says our works done without Christ are like filthy rags and the rags it's talking about are like women's dirty rags from their period. That's what they are to God - it's truly all because of Jesus that I am alive.

Okay sorry, I got off my obeying point a bit (surprise, surprise). I read recently that one of the laws that God had his people (Israel) do was wash their hands before they ate. He was very specific as to how to wash them but not as to why. The person who wrote this said that we can now assume that the reason was because God was protecting His people from disease and plagues that would often sweep over towns, cities, and even whole countries. It really hit me that I do not trust God in that way. I know things but there is a disconnect between knowing (and even talking about it) and living it minute by minute. So, I am practicing obeying. And this is done by asking God before I do something. Oh how I wish I could hear Him audibly but I can't but I do have the Holy Spirit and God promises that when you ask for His wisdom He gives it. This has caused me to talk less and listen more in some instances (although I could really do a lot less talking all together).

So, I'll obey Him by waiting on the Holy Spirit to direct me and I'll obey Him even though I am often convinced in my ugly, dirty, wicked, evil heart that I know better.

Wish you were here seeing what I see - on so many levels.